Christmas Freak

The merriest corner of the Internet

Tag: christmas music

Mariah Carey

Hark! Were you aware that we have been graced with a modern day herald angel who has decided to appear to us first in the following form:


and later in this updated form:


a divine being who sleeps on a lofted throne of the softest terrycloth, surrounded by humidifiers set up for the sole purpose of lubricating her vocal chords so she can spread the Christmas gospel via not just one but two Christmas albums; who owns at least two off-the-shoulder Mrs. Claus outfits and whose signature choice of footwear is the clear high heel adorned with feathers, a shoe that’s best classified as an angel’s slipper, and whose hair is so golden it emits a glow that approximates a halo?

Hark! Did you know that if you play All I Want for Christmas Is You twelve times on repeat, a dozen lambs will spring from the womb, joyful and bleating; that if you listen to Mariah singing O Holy Night alone in a room with a single candle flickering in the dark, a family of mice will link arms and hold a vigil; that if you put on her 1994 recording of Silent Night at the stroke of midnight, a bowl of plums will crystallize into candy and a partridge will pluck a sprig of boswellia and carry it aloft to roost at the top of a tree, auguring an age of peace and tranquility? Go ye now and add a little more happiness to the world by experiencing the modern day miracle that is MC.


ios7 Ringtone Twinkle

Spring is the season of Discreet Christmas Music. I stumbled across this ringtone while changing the settings of my iphone, and was immediately transported to back to 1994, when I first saw the cover of Mariah’s Merry Christmas album and knew I had found my place in the world. Set this as your ringtone! It’s the perfect way to sample Christmas while still feigning interest in the ancillary seasons of spring and summer. No one will suspect.

Bob Dylan’s Christmas Album

Picture: A dive bar on Christmas eve, sparsely filled. A sad, haggard man who’s been there since 3pm starts to sing along with the music. The other patrons join in on backup. A serenade for the lonely.

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